My heart and throat hurt.
Stupid, stupid, stupid girl.
So paralyzed by fear and uncertainty that I can’t step forward.
So terrified of staying where I am, I can’t breathe.
When words are knives
And dreams have died
Love cannot be revived
A part of me has died
Drove into work only to find it was closed due to the bad weather. Decided to buy breakfast for the homeless man I passed on my way in. As I pulled up to Panera the Train song Calling all Angels came on. Felt like some sort of recognition. Bought a large coffee, a bagel and an oatmeal for the man then put $5 and a note saying stay warm and God bless in the bag. It took awhile for the oatmeal so I used the wifi to log onto Facebook and post a status about it. I believe in helping people because they need help. Not to gain any type of praise or recognition. Generally I don’t share my “good deeds” (or “just being a decent human being,” as I like to think of it) because frankly it’s nobody’s business. However this time I was compelled to share this because I think sometimes people need an example. Sometimes it takes following someone else lead to give them the push to step out of their comfort zone and show an amount of caring they normally wouldn’t.
Anyway, I posted the status and went on my way. Only the homeless man was nowhere to be found. It was snowing heavily and he had been near a large shopping center, so I’m sure he made his way into one of the many shops to warm up. I admit, I was a bit frustrated at first. But then I thought I’d find a snow plow driver and give the meal to them. Most of them will be working for 24 hours straight, keeping our streets as clear and safe as possible.
Well, that didn’t pan out either. So now, here I am with a meal I don’t need, having spent not just the $10 on the food, but also a good $20 in gas for nothing. Considering I won’t be able to pay my entire phone bill this month from my overall lack of funds, you could say I’m a bit peeved.
As I sit here typing this, Train is on Sesame Street singing and a part of me wants to think that maybe that’s some sort of a sign but it also feels like a far fetch at this point.
I don’t really have a point, I guess. But if anyone out there who reads this finds themselves the opportunity to brighten someone’s day, then don’t hesitate to take action and let me know. Maybe then my situation this morning will feel worth it.
A person had commented onmy post….how on earth do I respond?! Can you comment on your own post? What am I missing here? Please help!
I was just getting advice on how to talk to a woman I may or may not be interested in. From my boyfriend. My life. It is weird. But I’m ok with that.
Ya know what makes the whole “I’m gonna swear less” thing really difficult? PMS. I feel like the general public is at a much higher risk of falling victim to random karate chops when I can’t tell them to shut the fuck up and go to hell. This isn’t going to end well.
I’ve managed to pack about 15 years worth of life experience into the past 5 years or so. As a result, I often feel much older than I am. But then I take a nap on my Smurf pillow, with my Spiderman blankie and I feel a bit younger. That is, until I sit up and my wrist, elbow and shoulder crack and pop from the weight and I get a Charlie horse in my leg from the way I was lying and I’m back to feeling old again.
When I said I could go for a pounding, this was NOT what I had in mind. Good gracious, this headache is wicked. I just want to sleep, but instead I’ve been driven to public whining. It’s THAT bad.